One of the most common topics that comes up when we talk about life after brain injury is memory, or more precisely, the struggles that come when something that once felt effortless suddenly becomes difficult, or even impossible.
If you’ve been following our journey, you’ll know that memory problems are one of the biggest ongoing challenges Mark faces after his brain injury. It’s something we never used to think about. Before the injury, his memory was just there. He didn’t have to try to remember to take medication, attend appointments, or try to remember what we have planned for the weekend. Now, everything is different.
The truth is; memory is far more complex than most of us ever realise. There isn’t just one “memory centre” in the brain. So many different parts of the brain are involved in storing, retaining, and retrieving information - and this is why so many people who have suffered a brain injury will experience memory loss in some way.
Why Memory Is So Hard After a Brain Injury
There are three essential stages to your memory:
Stage 1: Receiving
This is when your brain takes in information and stores it somewhere safe. For example, when someone tells you their name, your brain has to make sense of that and “file” it.
Stage 2: Retention
Once stored, that memory needs to stay there. Sometimes after a brain injury, memories never properly “stick,” meaning they’re gone before you ever get the chance to use them.
Stage 3: Retrieval
This is the part where you pull the memory out when you need it. For example, remembering the name of the person you met earlier.
Here’s the tricky part: if your brain can’t retain the memory properly, you’ll never be able to retrieve it later. That’s why Mark can sometimes hear something, understand it, and then completely forget it moments later, because it simply didn’t stick.
When you think about all the things we rely on memory for such as medication schedules, appointments, birthdays, anniversaries or paying bills, you can see how quickly life can become overwhelming if this basic function stops working the way it used to.
The Real-Life Impact of Memory Problems
When Mark came home after his injury, we had to face these challenges head-on without really understanding the extent of it, or the real reason as to why he struggled so much. I’ll be honest, it was stressful. There were times when he’d forget what medication he had taken, which can be dangerous. We had missed appointments, missed anniversaries, and moments where Mark couldn’t remember conversations we’d had just hours earlier.
And then there’s another layer to this: personal memories. These are called anecdotal memories - the memories that make us who we are. Holidays, weddings, birthdays, funny little moments with the kids. Unfortunately, some of these were lost for Mark.
Losing those kinds of memories is heartbreaking. For many people, some of these personal memories come back over time. For others, they don’t. And it’s different for every person.
Can Lost Memories Return?
The good news is that anecdotal memories can and often do return after a brain injury. Sometimes it happens during the early recovery period, but other times it can take weeks, months, or even years. And the memories that return don’t always come in a predictable order.
We’ve noticed that certain things seem to help spark memories for Mark such as looking through old photos, holding familiar objects, even listening to music that has strong connections to a specific time in his life. There’s something powerful about the way music can tap into deep parts of the brain that store emotional memory.
If you’re supporting someone through memory loss, this is one practical thing you can do: create moments that might trigger positive associations. You never know what will bring something back.
Why Some People Struggle More Than Others
Not everyone will experience memory loss in the same way. Some people lose very few memories, while others lose many. It all depends on the severity of the brain injury and which areas of the brain were affected.
And here’s something that took me a while to accept: there are no easy answers and no magic cure for memory difficulties. It is unrealistic to expect everything to go back to how it was. That doesn’t mean there’s no hope, but it does mean adjusting expectations and finding ways to work with the changes instead of against them.
Practical Tips That Actually Help
While we can’t completely fix memory problems, there are simple strategies that can make a huge difference in day-to-day life. Here are some of the things we’ve learned along the way:
Use Visual Aids – Whiteboards, calendars, and sticky notes are our best friends. We have a big board in the kitchen where we write down medication times, appointments, and important reminders.
Set Alarms and Notifications –We use phone alarms for everything - medication reminders, daily routines, even drinking enough water.
Create Consistent Routines – The less you rely on memory, the better. Having a set schedule for meals, medication, and rest takes some of the pressure off.
Photographs and Memory Boxes – We’ve made memory boxes filled with photos and small items from trips or events. Looking through these often brings back happy memories for Mark.
Keep It Simple – Overloading the brain with too many instructions or too much information at once just doesn’t work. Breaking things down into small steps is key.
What Doesn't Help?
Pushing Too Hard – No amount of “just try harder” will make memories stick. That only leads to frustration for both sides.
Comparing to the Past – This was a big one for me. I had to stop saying, “You used to remember this.” That only made things harder for Mark.
Going It Alone – If you’re a carer, please hear this: you can’t do everything by yourself. Support groups and connecting with others in similar situations are a lifeline.
Hope Beyond Memory Loss
For us, accepting that life was different after Mark’s injury was the turning point. Once we stopped fighting for things to go “back to normal,” we could start building a new normal that worked for us.
And along the way, there have been incredible moments. Like the time Mark remembered a silly family joke we thought was gone forever. Or when an old song on the radio made him smile because it reminded him of our wedding day. Those moments are precious, and they’re possible.
Memory problems after brain injury can feel overwhelming, both for survivors and for the people who love them. But there are ways to cope, adapt, and even rediscover joy along the way.
That’s why we’re hosting a free webinar where we’ll dive deeper into memory challenges after brain injury (along with other cognitive difficulties) and share practical strategies.
Click here to register!