Continuing along from the previous topic, Living Well with a Brain Injury, we discussed how our minds and even personality can change. You are still you, but a new you. We also talked about how we form new boundaries that we should respect and listen to. If a party is too loud and crowded, don’t feel nervous stepping out.
But as with all things, there is a balance. When tasks begin to look scary or just a pain to do, what do we do? What does anyone do, brain injury or not, when faced with a chore? We procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute. But we can push past that initial barrier, by breaking it down and keeping a positive attitude!
“A great example I can give you… We’re playing paddle, which is a form of tennis, with some friends the other week and I remember somebody was about to serve and they went, ‘I'm going to hit this into the net. This is going to be a terrible serve.’ And guess what they did? They hit it straight into the net. And sometimes you create that result by the language that you use and the mindset that you use.” - Mark
A Positive mindset
The world can confirm our fears and doubts when we let it, our minds manifesting all the negativity that is stopping us from even trying. You don’t think you can do something, so you never learn to. You think it can go horribly wrong, so you avoid it. Natural reactions that we can move past with a positive attitude.
First, instead of visualising the failures, visualise the successes. Not your speech as you accept your Oscar, that’s jumping too far ahead, instead visualise you doing what you intend to do. As well as accepting the failures that can happen. Strike a bad note while learning guitar? Take it as a learning moment and go again. It’s also about changing the language in your mind. If your main goal is to break a habit, don’t focus on the habit but instead on a realistic goal. Instead of “I don’t want to be overweight,” say to yourself “I want to be this realistic, healthy weight by this time.”
“There's a phrase that says, how do you eat an elephant? I'm never a fan of eating elephants because they're beautiful, protected endangered species. But what's the answer?”
“You break it into small, bite-sized chunks.” - Mark and Jules
Create Small Goals
Do you have an elephant of a task ahead of you? Don’t take it all in one bite! We want to reinforce positivity as we said, so doing it all bit by bit can help us believe we can achieve an overall goal. No, you can’t climb Mount Everest without experience. You CAN however go on longer walks over time, learn how to properly scale mountains, and research everything you need. And when you break it down further and further, scaling Mount Everest no longer becomes a “can’t” but a “when”.
But first, you need to find that elephant. What do you want to achieve? Anything from a dream goal to breaking a small habit, find what’s eating at you and eat at it back! Knowing what you need to do, how to do it, and if necessary, even researching, can lead you to becoming an expert before you start!
Celebrate the Wins
Even the little wins, the teeniest tiniest of wins. Celebrate them! No, it doesn’t have to be a big fan far or a long speech you rehearsed in your head. Just a small treat, a tea and biscuit or a little dance. Something to make you smile and feel proud about yourself because you did it! You made another bite into your goal.
Keeping that positive mindset from creating the goal to rewarding the goal will help motivate you to carry on. It’s easy to say to ourselves, “I took so many bites but there’s still a whole elephant left.” But there was more of one before and less of one now. Keep going, there will be less and less until suddenly the finish goal is one chunk away. Keeping positive in your language and attitude is about not letting your doubt take control.
“Remember, this is your life, and it may be different to the one that you had before, but it is where you are now and it's yours. And setting goals will help you towards living it on your own terms.” - Jules
Understanding You
Your mind will operate in a way you may not fully understand or expect yet. With our free resources though, including our Fatigue Diary and Self Care Tracker, you can begin to see the patterns of triggers in your daily life and adjust. Planning can help you predict productive and not-so-great days. Maybe on Saturdays, you are too tired from work to socialise, so adjust to socialising on a Sunday. Find out who the new you is and work around that.